Archive for the ‘FAIL’ Category

“The best-laid plans of mice and men / Go oft awry” – Robert Burns

As an amateur homecook there are certain levels of failure I’ve come to expect. I know that I’m going to butcher a fish filet here and there. I know any time I say we’re eating at 8pm, we’re probably not eating until 11. I know some flavor or texture is going to be missing which will compromise the intended design of a dish I’ve researched. I get that, it’s to be expected and my friends are well aware these shortcomings are part letting me take over a kitchen. God knows why they still let me take the reigns.

But one thing I have learned many times over, is to never, EVER trust an internet recipe. And yes, I’m well aware of the irony of a food blogger making that statement. Be skeptical. Trust no one. Don’t even trust me. And when you do drop your guard to see if someone can actually give you usable instructions, try it on yourself or a small group with cheap ingredients.

So when Sparkles and I decided we should rally our gang together for a good ol’ New England Lobster Fest, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking by ignoring my own advice. I figured doing a lobster bake would be interesting, fun and easier than individually boiling 8 lobsters. Fool that I am.

If you do want to steam a lobster(s) you need a lot of steam and pressure so that they will cook quickly and all the way through. Julia Child recommends putting a weight on the pot lid to pressure cook the lobster even faster. This is not a job for mild, half ass heat. If you’re still worried you may not have the right equipment just use the biggest pot you have, bring the water to a furious boil and add your lobsters (a couple at a time) head first to the water for 10-12 minutes depending on their size. Remove and cool.

The classic lobster bake, while frustrating, is still one of those indulgent events that does not fade quickly from memory. It’s an event that when done well is simply what I live for. When done poorly, it’s still an afternoon of friends, drinks and all the lobster you can eat. Tread delicately, but tread. What follows is a cautionary tail.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve been crap about posting this week and for that I am sorry, but I accidentally burned my house down* and it’s taken me a little while to get the operation back up and running.  Apologies to the 7 or 8 people that read the site currently.  Working on a makeover and some fresh content.

* full disclosure, the house was not burned down, but I did set off every fire alarm on my block when I threw a short rib in a pan on high heat as an experiment. Yes, it was so hot the fat caught fire and combusted.  Also, as much as I care about the site, I care about enjoying the first nice days of spring and sipping margaritas outside with friends more.

NOTE:  DO NOT throw a short rib in a pan on high heat.

AMF’s goal has always been to post quality recipes and techniques that have been tested and taste delicious.  But on my most recent epicurean adventure, it was such an epic fail for reasons that I still don’t really understand, that it deserves a post of it’s own, if for no other reason then to warn others of my not so obvious mistakes.

So the great Pork Belly Failure of 2009 will live on in infamy simply because I really couldn’t salvage anything from this dish.  Only getting few morsels of decent meat resulted in me having to steal a hotdog from my roommate and forgo a more satisfying meal.  Live and learn I guess.

Read the rest of this entry »

so i’m still posting and trying to figure out what the hell i’m supposed to do.  i should be working on a post and keeping this professional.  Oh hello there Leandro Monkey, how are you?  Good start

i'm a monkey!